As I sit and watch the morning rain pour down from my Bangkok apartment window, I can't help but think about the life that is going on half a world away. If the different culture and language of Thailand didn't make me feel disconnected from America enough, the time difference of 11 hours sure does it. But even amongst the differences and uncomfortable situations that arise here, I know that if I were back in America right now, it wouldn't quite feel like home. Everything has changed there too. Friends have gone back to school, others have moved away, time has changed things. Time has changed situations, feelings, and attitudes. Time has changed me. God knew ahead of time that after this summer I would be so radically wrecked for living an ordinary life that He went ahead and planned something better, something that satisfies much more.
What I had planned for my life is not what is happening. I would have chosen something quite different, something quite average, quite safe, and frankly quite boring. So while I see everyone getting back to the routine of the ordinary, I can't help but laugh at God's sense of humor and goodness over my life. He saw the depths of my heart and saw that ordinary has never been on the radar of what I was striving for. So in His all-knowing, all-merciful nature, I've been placed in the most unusual of circumstances and finally see that I can rejoice greatly that He placed me in them. I would not trade the stretching, growing, and breaking that has happened in these months for any amount of ordinary or stability. I think back to the girl's hearts that I've had an opportunity to touch, to the broken children's hands I've been able to hold, to the bread and water I've been able to give to the prisoners, to the simple words that said at the right moment set the captives free. It was all and is so worth it.
So, while having a couple of days to rest before heading off to Cambodia, I've been asking God to speak and refresh me with new insight on who He is and who I am. Amidst all the busyness of the city life and ministry work, God has been speaking. He has been speaking to me about doves, rainbows, olive, and almond branches.(More evidence that God has a sense of humor.) While we were finishing moving into our apartment, the most beautiful rainbow ever appeared in the sky right outside our window. Then a couple seconds after, a white bird that looked like a dove, flew beside our 8th story window. Since that day, I've seen these white birds flying every morning, two by two, seemingly always looking at me trying to tell me something. So I began to ask God what it all meant and He gave me a beautiful picture of it for better understanding. He showed me two doves descending on me, one on each shoulder. They were each holding a different branch in their beaks, and one held a almond branch, the other an olive branch. The both dropped them into my hands and whispered "Chosen, Chosen!" into my ears. I knew that the doves represented the Holy Spirit and I knew the olive branch represented peace, and fresh beginnings with God, but what did the almond branch mean? So I looked it up and discovered the almond branch was used to show that God chose Aaron and His tribe to be His priests. So it represents being chosen for a higher calling, or an awakening of priesthood. What a beautiful identity God is giving me, calling me to come higher, calling me to come farther, calling me to be His chosen vessel. God then lead me to read these verses in Jeremiah and everything came together.
The word of the Lord came to me, saying,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”
But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” The word of the Lord came to me: “What do you see, Jeremiah?”“I see the branch of an almond tree,” I replied. The Lord said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled. -Jeremiah 1:4-12.
Praise God that He chose me to be chosen by Him as His prophet to the nations! Let all of these promises over my life come true. I'm so thankful for His constant voice speaking to me, reminding me of who I am when I feel confused, lost, or far from home. He is never far from us and is closer than the next beat of our heart. He is constant and good even when our circumstances are not. He is our hope, the joy set before me. He is my reward, the only thing worth living for.
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad, let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield"
-Psalm 5:11-12
