Today as I was praying, I asked God to show me what He wanted ministry to look like. My scattered thoughts began to form questions like; What did He want me to start? Who did He want me to talk to? Where did He want me to go? Gently and patiently He began to silence my demanding questions by a simple beautiful illustration.
First, I saw a belt that had the word "Truth" engraved on the buckle of it. I then proceeded to look up and see a helmet, sword, and complete suit of armor. There was even a cape attached that changed from hues of red to white. At first, I wasn't sure if this was me suited up for battle or Jesus, but it soon became very clear as I saw the Knight with the white cape on a journey to rescue a princess in a tower. The Knight slayed the dragons that were blocking the way to the princess with such ease and effortlessness, that there really was no competition. As He began to approach the castle that the princess was locked in, all around stood miniature people. They weren't miniature to the princess, but only to the Knight himself. The princess herself, was also very tiny compared to Knight. The people at the foot of the castle were taunting and jeering at her, and she was afraid to move, paralyzed by the fear of them. The Knight then came and rescued the princess from her castle she was frozen in. He walked with ease up to the castle entrance. Even when the people tried to stop Him their attempts were seen as a joke. Their little stones and torches did nothing to His solid armor and He barely even noticed them as He went to save His princess. He gently picked her up and put her on His shoulder. She then radically transformed and her dress turned into the same armor that was worn by the Knight, her armor was even complete with a cape only her's was pink. He then said to the tiny princess, "Just allow me to carry you though, just hold on to me. I will defeat your enemies for you, and I will show you and take you where you need to go. Just rest in me and my love."
After this I was praying to God was this from you or just in my head? And He told me to turn to John 5:32, which at the time I had no idea what it said. I turned to it and it said "But someone else is testifying about me and I assure everything He says about me is true." I then believed He meant the Holy Spirit was the one testifying about Him and this indeed was from God and not something I had just made up in my head. He then lead me to these verses. Romans 8:6 "But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to peace." And Romans 8:9 "You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you."
This is how God answered my questions about ministry and how loving Him is supposed to look like. I believe it can apply to all of us, cause we are all God's children locked away in a tower like the princess. We all have been held captive by something, and we all are desperate for a Knight with a white cape to save us. He alone will carry you through the trials. He doesn't want you to do anything on your own but just allow Him to have you. Allow Him to fully love you. Allow Him to take you where He wants to go. While being in the Father's arms you are able to accomplish anything through Him because He's the one fighting the battle, and He always wins! Just allow Him to love you today, where ever you are, whatever you are going through. He wants you. This is what true ministry looks like, this is where Jesus's heart resides. Loving the Father and allowing yourself to be taken by Him to where He wants to go. This removes all pressure from you, because it's not about you. It's only by His power is anything accomplished. All He wants from us is love, and with love comes an abundance of trust.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5-6
"Not to us, O Lord not to us, but to Your Name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness ." Psalm 115:1
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
New Wineskin
As I sit here folding up my newly washed clothes, the ones that had been with me in Uganda, I can't help but feel angry at them. They stare back at me all clean, soft, good smelling and perfect. Did they forget where they had been the past 2 months? How could they so easily go back into their American form? Didn't they remember they were the ones that gave a malnourished child comfort? The ones that Margret marveled over? Did they even remember their counterparts that I had given away to African women who gleamed when receiving them? Couldn't they still feel the red African dirt in between their threads? No. They didn't remember, they couldn't feel. All they knew now was that they were washed clean and ready to fulfill their new purpose, which was to be worn in America.
How could they so easily change back and forget when I can not. As I was toiling over this truth, I realized some things. I had vowed to myself that I would not let myself forget the things I experienced this summer. I had so much determination in doing so that my experience had began to squeeze the life out of me. It had constricted me, paralyzed me, from doing what I am called to do in America. There is no doubt that I was changed this summer, but instead of applying these new found truths to my life in America, I decided to retreat instead. It was almost like I felt like a traitor if I did anything American. My heart didn't want to betray the people and things I learned in Uganda so instead of going into life full force, I decided to just be reserved, bitter, and sad about being back. Surely, if I just kept this animosity up towards America and withdrew from people it would show my loyalty to Uganda and to the changes that were made. However this is not true.
Just like the clothes that were hand washed for 2 months had to come back and be machine washed, so do I. They have a new purpose and so do I. Their purpose is to be worn in America, not Uganda. My new purpose is to be used by God in America, not Uganda. He does not want me disguard everything I learned, but to use what I learned to better serve and love people in America. I don't need to hold on to my experiences, they will hold on to me, because now they are a part of me therefore they'll never leave. I don't need to be bitter about coming back, I should be joyful because God has ordained for me to be here. I could have been born anywhere in the world and He chose this place, this country, this town. It's not a coincidence that He has me here. He has something for me to do this year that no one else could accomplish. By sending me to Uganda He grew new gifts, characteristics, and talents in me that will further help me accomplish the goals and plans He has for me. If I am ever fortunate enough to get to go back to Uganda I would like to Thank her. Because through her beauty, love, and joy she allowed the creator of the universe to teach me truths that America never could. But now America has to teach me new truths that Uganda never could. And just maybe when the time is right me and Uganda will meet again...
He told them this parable: "No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins.- Luke 5:36-38
Saturday, July 30, 2011
One constant
Today is my last day in Africa. Time has been elusive this summer in Uganda. It's here one minute then gone the next.. I feel like I could have spent 4 more months over here. I think half of my love for this country is rooted in the freeing feeling that it gives. When you are away from the busyness and materialism of the western world you truely have time to examine your heart and who you've become ,and who you want to be. Although God speaks all the time to us, sometimes we rarely hear because we are just too busy to listen. This is something I really learned this summer, we often don't hear God's voice because we are too consumed with our own. We have this grand story that we build up in our minds to be the best way to live our life, so we ignore God when He tells us He wants something different for us. But the truth is God's story for our lives is so much more rich than the one we planned. After all, He is our creator and He made our heart's so He knows what truely satisfies us. We often experience dissatisfaction with our relationship with God because we try to add Him into our own story, and it just doesn't work. He wants all of us. He doesn't want just to be something you do on Sunday, or someone you decide to call on when everything else fails. He wants to be your everything, and He wants you to give Him every part of your heart and life. Even the not so pretty parts, because He is big enough to heal them.
While I'm very sad to leave, I cling to one truth. The God I grew with here this summer will still be with me in America. He will continue to grow me into He completes His good works through me."And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."- Philippians 1:6
Although I have to leave my kids I love at the primary school, my friend Eva that I discipled all summer, African laughter, Mandozis's, and all the members on my team that I've grown to love so dearly, I can keep my God, I can keep His truths, I get to keep all He taught me. And even admist the pain of leaving, somehow He is enough.
I just wanted to thank everyone one last time who helped support me on this trip. It truely has been a life changing experience. You have been used by God to accomplish great things in Uganda. And I can never repay you for the growth you've helped me experience. I love you all! See you soon.
While I'm very sad to leave, I cling to one truth. The God I grew with here this summer will still be with me in America. He will continue to grow me into He completes His good works through me."And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."- Philippians 1:6
Although I have to leave my kids I love at the primary school, my friend Eva that I discipled all summer, African laughter, Mandozis's, and all the members on my team that I've grown to love so dearly, I can keep my God, I can keep His truths, I get to keep all He taught me. And even admist the pain of leaving, somehow He is enough.
I just wanted to thank everyone one last time who helped support me on this trip. It truely has been a life changing experience. You have been used by God to accomplish great things in Uganda. And I can never repay you for the growth you've helped me experience. I love you all! See you soon.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Faith of The Childlike
As I write this blog, I only have 9 more days of ministry in Lira. This is so hard to believe, I feel like I just arrived here. The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows. One thing has been consistent though, and that is God's goodness. No matter what situation I find myself in here I know that He has a plan for it all and it is ultimately for my good. So whether I think it is the best doesn't matter; because His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He is God and I am not. And the fact of the matter is no matter what my circumstances looks like He is good. He is always good, because it is His very nature.
In Uganda, and in most of Africa, people view spirituality very differently than most of the western world does. For Ugandans, people being raised from the dead is not an unusual testimony. In fact, through our HIV/AIDS meetings we have on Fridays, two different women have testified they were dead in the coffin and were brought back to life. Whether you chose to believe this or not, the people of Uganda do. It's not even a question; to them it's almost relatively common. They don't question things like we often do. They accept things with a childlike faith. Which reminds me of a verse in Luke 10 that says;
"In that same hour he rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will." God takes delight in the childlike. He enjoys using the weak to shame the wise. On this trip He has shown that to me over and over again. He wants us to be joyful over our weaknesses. This is why Paul said,
"That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10.
This verse has never made more sense to me. Now that I have been used by an all powerful God to do things I never thought were possible I am awe struck. I am excited that I have a childlike heart, I am excited that I am weak and I am excited that maybe I'm not the most qualified. Because now that I realize I am unqualified, He wants to use me. Even more so than people who think they do have it all together. Because the fact is none of us are really qualified to serve the Holy God we do, and the more we realize that the more He will use us. Because what God really desires from us is a humble heart.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you"-James 4:10.
So if you feel unequipped, unqualified, or unworthy, you are in the right place. Just allow our mighty God to use you and He will. He will reveal things to you that some only dream of seeing.
"Then turning to the disciples he said privately, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see! For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.” -Luke 10:23-24. I praise God for allowing me to see Him in ways I never thought possible.
There is so much more than a life of meritocracy that many are living. My prayer is that you will be able to experience Him in new incredible, amazing, ways also. I love you all!
In Uganda, and in most of Africa, people view spirituality very differently than most of the western world does. For Ugandans, people being raised from the dead is not an unusual testimony. In fact, through our HIV/AIDS meetings we have on Fridays, two different women have testified they were dead in the coffin and were brought back to life. Whether you chose to believe this or not, the people of Uganda do. It's not even a question; to them it's almost relatively common. They don't question things like we often do. They accept things with a childlike faith. Which reminds me of a verse in Luke 10 that says;
"In that same hour he rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will." God takes delight in the childlike. He enjoys using the weak to shame the wise. On this trip He has shown that to me over and over again. He wants us to be joyful over our weaknesses. This is why Paul said,
"That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10.
This verse has never made more sense to me. Now that I have been used by an all powerful God to do things I never thought were possible I am awe struck. I am excited that I have a childlike heart, I am excited that I am weak and I am excited that maybe I'm not the most qualified. Because now that I realize I am unqualified, He wants to use me. Even more so than people who think they do have it all together. Because the fact is none of us are really qualified to serve the Holy God we do, and the more we realize that the more He will use us. Because what God really desires from us is a humble heart.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you"-James 4:10.
So if you feel unequipped, unqualified, or unworthy, you are in the right place. Just allow our mighty God to use you and He will. He will reveal things to you that some only dream of seeing.
"Then turning to the disciples he said privately, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see! For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.” -Luke 10:23-24. I praise God for allowing me to see Him in ways I never thought possible.
There is so much more than a life of meritocracy that many are living. My prayer is that you will be able to experience Him in new incredible, amazing, ways also. I love you all!
My God's not dead, He is surely Alive!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
A Light Invading the Dark
Love.
Arguably the most powerful weapon we have on this earth. Often it seems as if something so simple could not be so powerful so we try to complicate it. But the fact of the matter is; the simplest answer to our most complicated questions is love. It's written all over the bible, but somehow we miss the main point. We often complicate Jesus's love with a long list of do's and don't's, when really He tells usall the other commandments can be summed up by this one, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Let us not try to complicate it. God's main concern is not what "good" or "bad" deeds you have done. He is also not out to make you feel guilty, and He does not take delight in sending out His wrath. All He wants; His main concern, is a relationship with you. God sent His only son so you could be in a closer relationship with Him. Jesus freely gave His life to display just how much He wanted this relationship with you. How did we as Christians miss such an obvious point. If outrageous love is what we are shown and supposed to exemplify why would most non believers not pick this adjective to explain Christians? Let's love freely, without an agenda, without selfishness, and without entitlement. . I believe if we loved this way, there would be no stopping what God could do through us.
As I see the needs of so many people here in Uganda, it's becoming more apparent it's impossible for me to "meet" everyone's needs. But God has been telling me He hasn't told me to "fix" everyone, that is His job. He just wants me to love the one in front of me; to start there and do all that I am able. Whether it's playing with disabled children; wiping away their tears, giving the kid on the street a band aid for his cut foot, or praying with an orphan who wonders why God isn't answering her prayers for happiness. Whichever way God presents me the oppurtunity to love, I am joyful for it. I am better through it. And He makes me able. I am able to be a light to darkness, and what better lights up a dark world than love.
Arguably the most powerful weapon we have on this earth. Often it seems as if something so simple could not be so powerful so we try to complicate it. But the fact of the matter is; the simplest answer to our most complicated questions is love. It's written all over the bible, but somehow we miss the main point. We often complicate Jesus's love with a long list of do's and don't's, when really He tells usall the other commandments can be summed up by this one, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Let us not try to complicate it. God's main concern is not what "good" or "bad" deeds you have done. He is also not out to make you feel guilty, and He does not take delight in sending out His wrath. All He wants; His main concern, is a relationship with you. God sent His only son so you could be in a closer relationship with Him. Jesus freely gave His life to display just how much He wanted this relationship with you. How did we as Christians miss such an obvious point. If outrageous love is what we are shown and supposed to exemplify why would most non believers not pick this adjective to explain Christians? Let's love freely, without an agenda, without selfishness, and without entitlement. . I believe if we loved this way, there would be no stopping what God could do through us.
As I see the needs of so many people here in Uganda, it's becoming more apparent it's impossible for me to "meet" everyone's needs. But God has been telling me He hasn't told me to "fix" everyone, that is His job. He just wants me to love the one in front of me; to start there and do all that I am able. Whether it's playing with disabled children; wiping away their tears, giving the kid on the street a band aid for his cut foot, or praying with an orphan who wonders why God isn't answering her prayers for happiness. Whichever way God presents me the oppurtunity to love, I am joyful for it. I am better through it. And He makes me able. I am able to be a light to darkness, and what better lights up a dark world than love.
Friday, June 24, 2011
A Daughter of the King
Sometimes it takes being taken out of your comfort zone to really experience God and how much He has blessed us. I don't even mean this is a material way. Although living in American I am blessed beyond compare. But the blessings I'm most grateful for are far beyond our material gaze. I am blessed by love from a heavenly father who provides for my needs in ways I never recognize. While in the busyness of America is it easy to forget that God is that one who sustains us, and the one from whom all our blessings come. It is only by Him and through Him that we have anything. I just want to thank God for His faithfulness even when my heart wasn't thankful. I want to thank Him for His unwavering love towards me when I was rebellious against Him. He loves me in spite of myself. In this love I can rest and find peace. My place with Him is secure, I am His beloved daughter and nothing can come between me and my inheritance.
This week a 9 year old girl named Bridget has stolen my heart. She said she wanted to have a picture of herself since she had never had one. Since I can't get photos developed here I decided to draw her a picture of herself. In my eyes it wasn't that great, but to her it meant everything. She recently told me that the kids stole her picture from her. It broke my heart. That's the problem with showing any kids in the boarding school special attention. They are all so hungry for love they get bitterly jealous when one kid gets more attention than them. Yesterday Bridget asked me if it was true that Mzungu's (white people); really did have a special power to live forever and never get sick and die. While this was funny it also made me very sad. To them we are super heroes. They think we have all the resources in the world to make their life better and rescue them. It puts a heavy weight on my shoulders to be something that I can't necessarily be. Please continue praying for me that I can show the kids love in a way that is helpful, impactful, life changing, yet realistic.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. - 1 John 4:10-11
This week a 9 year old girl named Bridget has stolen my heart. She said she wanted to have a picture of herself since she had never had one. Since I can't get photos developed here I decided to draw her a picture of herself. In my eyes it wasn't that great, but to her it meant everything. She recently told me that the kids stole her picture from her. It broke my heart. That's the problem with showing any kids in the boarding school special attention. They are all so hungry for love they get bitterly jealous when one kid gets more attention than them. Yesterday Bridget asked me if it was true that Mzungu's (white people); really did have a special power to live forever and never get sick and die. While this was funny it also made me very sad. To them we are super heroes. They think we have all the resources in the world to make their life better and rescue them. It puts a heavy weight on my shoulders to be something that I can't necessarily be. Please continue praying for me that I can show the kids love in a way that is helpful, impactful, life changing, yet realistic.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. - 1 John 4:10-11
Sunday, June 19, 2011
For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these Children
Well I made it safely to Lira, Uganda! :) After a 20 hour flight and a 6 hour bus ride we made it here a little over a week ago. Everything went so smoothly. I have to say, looking back now it's funny that I had so much anxiety about the process of getting here. Actually I was thinking on the way to our hotel that it's funny that I had anxiety about this trip at all. God is good, and He is always faithful and He keeps revealing that to me over and over again.
I love this country. Ever since I entered, I have never felt more welcomed or more like a celebrity. haha There is not one person that passes by that doesn't smile or wave, little children even squel when they see us. It's such a contrast to American culture where people are skeptical of strangers, and unwelcoming of accepting the help they need. As I look out the window from this internet cafe I just feel such peace. Uganda is refreshing. The people are so full of joy, love, and laughter. They are so accepting of everyone, people are not critical of each other here and throughly enjoy each others company.
Love radiates in Uganda even in the mist of devastating loss and abandonment.
Since I've been in Lira, I have had the opportunity to teach at a primary school here, and at a school that is run by the Compassion Int. organization. The first day I was put into a classroom of about 50, 9-11 year olds and told to teach. Needless to say I didn't have anything prepared, because I just found out I was doing this 5 minutes before. haha So I told the story of David and Goliah, and then drew some pictures, because I wasn't sure they understood my english too well. The kids thought this was hilarious. So I'm guessing they either really enjoyed my stick figures or were laughing at me. Either way, in the end I grew from this experience and just found joy in being able to share with them. They are so hungry for love and God. It rejuvenates me and helps me remember my purpose here.
Another opportunity I've had so far is too go door to door or should I say hut to hut and share Christ with people in town. Although I went in dragging my feet for this ministry I have to say it's been amazing how God is growing a deeper love in my heart for it. Through this ministry I've met one of my best friends here. Her name is Eva, she is 16 years old and runs a hair salon with her sisters Brenda and Dorcus. They are all orphans and although they weren't born to the same parents they insist they are sisters. They live together in the hair salon which is really a trailer about the size of your ordinary walk in closet. (No joke.) Eva has recently become a Christian and was so excited that I came to tell her and her sisters about Jesus. She tells me she wants to know all about Him and how to pray. She is so hungry for God. It's so exciting to meet someone who is searching for something that you can offer them. So I bought her and her sisters bibles. She told me this was the first gift she had ever received. Her thankfulness brought tears to my eyes. She calls me her best friend and I plan to visit her every day I can this summer and show her all that God has shown me.
Never have I felt more alive. Never have I felt more useful. I know my purpose in life. It's too do things such as these. Please continue praying for me as I continue serving my God. All glory and power to Him forever and ever!
I love this country. Ever since I entered, I have never felt more welcomed or more like a celebrity. haha There is not one person that passes by that doesn't smile or wave, little children even squel when they see us. It's such a contrast to American culture where people are skeptical of strangers, and unwelcoming of accepting the help they need. As I look out the window from this internet cafe I just feel such peace. Uganda is refreshing. The people are so full of joy, love, and laughter. They are so accepting of everyone, people are not critical of each other here and throughly enjoy each others company.
Love radiates in Uganda even in the mist of devastating loss and abandonment.
Since I've been in Lira, I have had the opportunity to teach at a primary school here, and at a school that is run by the Compassion Int. organization. The first day I was put into a classroom of about 50, 9-11 year olds and told to teach. Needless to say I didn't have anything prepared, because I just found out I was doing this 5 minutes before. haha So I told the story of David and Goliah, and then drew some pictures, because I wasn't sure they understood my english too well. The kids thought this was hilarious. So I'm guessing they either really enjoyed my stick figures or were laughing at me. Either way, in the end I grew from this experience and just found joy in being able to share with them. They are so hungry for love and God. It rejuvenates me and helps me remember my purpose here.
Another opportunity I've had so far is too go door to door or should I say hut to hut and share Christ with people in town. Although I went in dragging my feet for this ministry I have to say it's been amazing how God is growing a deeper love in my heart for it. Through this ministry I've met one of my best friends here. Her name is Eva, she is 16 years old and runs a hair salon with her sisters Brenda and Dorcus. They are all orphans and although they weren't born to the same parents they insist they are sisters. They live together in the hair salon which is really a trailer about the size of your ordinary walk in closet. (No joke.) Eva has recently become a Christian and was so excited that I came to tell her and her sisters about Jesus. She tells me she wants to know all about Him and how to pray. She is so hungry for God. It's so exciting to meet someone who is searching for something that you can offer them. So I bought her and her sisters bibles. She told me this was the first gift she had ever received. Her thankfulness brought tears to my eyes. She calls me her best friend and I plan to visit her every day I can this summer and show her all that God has shown me.
Never have I felt more alive. Never have I felt more useful. I know my purpose in life. It's too do things such as these. Please continue praying for me as I continue serving my God. All glory and power to Him forever and ever!
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