Walking on Water

To honor Him fully we have to live in such a way that unless God shows up, what we are attempting to do is bound to fail.- Bill Johnson, Hosting the Presence.

When Jesus commissioned His disciples He told them to go; to go even without provisions in the natural such as a place to stay, money, or clothing.
"After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. 3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. 4 Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.-Luke 10:1-4"

He told them to make themselves so vulnerable to His purposes that if He didn't come through they would not succeed. This is what I learned to do over the past 6 months. When I packed my bags in May and decided to go on a faith journey with God, not knowing what it may require, I surrendered all to Him with no plan B. I put all dreams, friends, comforts, safety, provisions, and finances into Jesus's hands and told him. "If you do not come through, if you do not show up, I will fail in all aspects. I will not and can not go on without you." After agreeing to His plan and burning all bridges there was no chance of going back to life as normal. I gave it all to Him, until I had nothing left other than trust and reliance on His beautiful nature. So I went; on a journey of walking by faith and not by sight. And oh did He come through; abundantly, unexpectedly, and extravagantly! The journey led me first to Mozambique where He sent people from around the world to teach me how it looked to live a life completely yielded and dependent on His Spirit. Then he took me to some of the darkest and most perverse places in the world. Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam, to live out the reality of what I had been taught in the months before. He began stretching my love and trust in Him at such exponential rates my growth was unbeknownst to me at times. He also taught me that sometimes the safest place is in the front lines of the battle; because where there is darkness, the light shines the brightest. "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ." -2 Corinthians 4:6

So naturally after learning and living this type of lifestyle for 5 months I expected it to continue once I came back to the United States. If He was inviting me back home I fully expected Him to continue providing and surprising me. All the while making me more dependent on Him and entrenched in this Spirit led lifestyle. After all, it was what I had surrendered to, agreed to, and was what I had been taught was the only way to live. So imagine my surprise when I arrived back in America and they didn't like this supernaturally dependent lifestyle. They regarded it as weak, as foolish, as unwise. But it's all I knew, all I could remember. Another way of life seemed hazy now, a memory at best; so I continued through. As I arrived back I had no plans, just open to whatever He wanted. And what He wanted was for me to have a season of rest. Something very foreign to many Americans, and even to me. Rest was something not highly regarded as a high priority or valuable by the culture here. But despite all the voices beckoning me to get realistic, to get practical, to get serious. I stayed firmly planted and rooted in what God had shown me, to rest. I'm sure rest looks very different for many people but for me it looked like spending every day in His presence; singing, worshiping, and talking to Him. Devoting my whole day to what He had to say, not being distracted by money, people, or success. And I'm so thankful for every moment of it, what a blessing it's been to have this time with Him. Sure there have been days where I would begin to question is this really what God said to do? What am I doing with my life!? Why am I here? But I stayed put, not moving to the right or the left, just resting in His promises. I've learned once again that even in America, in a place where everyone might think you have to earn or work for what you want, He always provides freely, always protects, always satisfies, and always lavishes the best gifts on us. This journey back has been quite different than I expected, but nevertheless treasured in my eyes. I think I'll look back on this time for many months to come and smile at the deep heart work He did and preparations He made in this month. I know this season of rest is soon coming to a close and that He has something else for me in this faith journey. But rest assured whatever comes I'll still continue dependent as ever, leaning on childlike faith, and smiling and laughing all the way. And I believe if I listen close enough I can hear Him saying over me... ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; so now I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!-Matthew 25: 21’

A Tree of Life

God began to speak to me the other day about a tree of life. A tree that was full of apples of all kinds; apples that held different destinies for each person. The best fruit was at the top of the tree, furthest away from corruption or destruction, a place where no birds or mammals could steal their goodness. People from all walks of life were invited to come to the tree and receive their apple full of destiny. The crowd all waited behind a wooden picket fence while the Master Gardener Himself explained the choices that lay before them. They could pick their own apple from the tree or let Him pick for them. Either way, He wasn’t displeased. He was so happy to see that they all had came. The crowd began to discuss the matter and many decided that there was no point of waiting for the Master Gardener to pick their apples when they could get their own immediately. So, many rushed forward and began to pick apples that were accessible to them. In the chaos, many picked their apples before it was their time. Indeed, they ended with apples that weren't done blossoming. Others had chosen to settle for rotten apples because it was all they could see to receive in the midst of chaos. They supposed a rotten apple was better than no apple at all. After the crowd left there was a few that stayed behind, the faithful ones He called them. They stayed there just waiting, just watching the Gardener, knowing in His perfect time He would reveal when their apples were finished. He began to announce to the faithful ones that the apples they were waiting on were ready to be picked. They gladly marched forward and received their well done apples; full of perfection and freshness. However, the apples were still a lower grade than the ones at the top of the tree. But the faithful ones counted themselves lucky to have a perfectly done apple. Even though it wasn’t the absolute best, they were still content in knowing they had better than the others who hadn't waited for the perfect time. Then all left, and alas it was just the Master Gardener and I. I keep staring at Him and He in turn would stare back at me. We gazed into each others eyes, searching out the truth that was within. Then, slyly we smiled at each other. We both knew there was a secret only the two of us were aware of. He kept waiting on me to leave or to ask for the apple I could have. But I just kept waiting, and waiting. Then I started singing and smiling all the while knowing I was going to get the very best apple. He said "Don’t you want your apple Brittany?" And I said "I want you to pick it for me." He looked at me directly; almost questioning, probing, my heart and said "But why? You can get a really good one right here, probably everything you’ve ever wanted." And I said "No, I will not settle for reasonable, or feasible, or good, I want the one only you can get, the one I would never be able to reach. And I know you can climb much higher than me. And I know you are much stronger than me. And also, you know all the apples on the tree and you know exactly the best one. So I want YOU to pick it for me." Suddenly, I felt a new excitement rising in my heart. I knew that this apple He would bring back would look quite different than the others. How could you even begin to compare the best apple of the tree with a puny one at the bottom. I knew that this apple would be intimidating at first, because it had been given from the Master Gardener's hands, nothing I could have attained on my own. The Gardener looked back at me, smiled, then laughed. He said "Just wait." As He climbed He started throwing down all kinds of apples that others hadn’t waited on, hundreds and hundreds of apples came tumbling down on me and I started uncontrollably laughing. Then He reached to the very top and picked the very best one and it was gold. He tossed it down to me and said "This.. my daughter is your destiny. You waited, therefore, you have been given a destiny way beyond your imagination. But not only will you have that, I am also giving you all the other blessings that others left behind because they were in a hurry. And not only will you partake of this tree’s fruit but there are also many other trees in my orchard that will also be yours."
As God started explaining to me what this story meant, He showed me many people who were too busy to receive His best for them. They where taking whatever they could grasp, acting as orphans, not beloved children. They were too busy to be blessed, too busy to wait on God. Just as in the story, many of us act before it is our time. We are desperate to receive anything for the Lord so we grasp at what is accessible to us. What is accessible is not His best. Dreams and destinies are meant to sought after, fought for.
"An inheritance claimed too soon will not be blessed at the end." -Proverbs 20:21
In the story there are some who chose a life that was yielded to His timing but didn't let Him pick His best for them. Instead they requested something from Him and wait on Him to do it. They didn't realize their requests for what they wanted were limited to human understanding. Only He can see the big picture. Although He is good in meeting our wants and needs, He has so much better that many of us never get to see, because we do not ask.
Lastly in the story, there are those who let him pick what He wants for their lives, and then they wait. This is the place where dreams of the heart are met that you didn't even realize you had. You become become fulfilled. This is the place where divinity meets your destiny, and you start to realize you are doing the impossible. This is place where waiting gets rewarded. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.-Isaiah 64:4" He is faithful to His word. There are destinies waiting for each of us. Some will not even grasp the concept, others will show up at the tree but take before their time, and others will wait for the right time but will take the apples with human wisdom not God’s power. But those who wait on the Lord, allowing Him to map out their destinies and future will be richly rewarded. He is waiting for the ones who truly believe Him and trust Him to lavish all the blessings He’s been storing up.
" The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. -2 Chronicles 16:9" Wait for Him and His best and through the process you will come forth as gold.
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.- Job 23:10"

To Dream a Dream

A dream; begotten by a thought, manifested in the virtue of hope, and experienced through perseverance.
All thoughts begin with some type of voice, and all voices are heard by listening. Therefore, whether knowingly or unknowingly we are all living out what we feel we are hearing. So begs the question, what are you listening to? Through the past couple weeks, God has been teaching me so much about dreams. I feel He wants to awaken and release dreams to people but some aren't listening, nor do some even understand what it means to listen. And others think they aren't capable to hearing or listening to what God is saying.
God gave me this analogy of a child with his parents to help explain the concept. When a baby is born, he doesn't understand what his parents are saying to him. In fact, he doesn't understand language at all and most of what they say may sound just like mumbles. He may not even be able to differentiate between his parents voice and other people talking. But babies, having a predisposition to absorb the environment around them, are naturally inclined to pick up language. So as they grow they learn to recognize their parents voice, then they start to recognize intents of what their parents say, then start to understand directions, and eventually grasp abstract concepts.
We are just like babies when we are first born into our new Christ-like nature. We are new born infants that do not fully understand or fully recognize what God our Father is speaking to us. But just like babies, we were born with a predisposition to learn His language. So as we learn and grow, His voice starts to come through more clearly. At first, it's just an inner knowing, then it's a whisper, then it comes like thunder, full of power and might. Our position in the learning process however, is not to fret or get frustrated when at first we don't hear every detail of His plan. We are children, learning and growing, and you don't pick up everything the first seasons of life. Our position in the process of hearing is only to grow.
So our conquest is to seek to know Him, and we know Him by listening to what He says. So in this journey of seeking, you will grow, because it's in the new nature you were given. For example, a child doesn't have to think about growing; it just naturally happens when they are well nourished and loved. We as children of God get well nourished by abiding in Him; reading His word (our food), and drinking of His love, (revealed to us by the Spirit).
He does speak, and is speaking. And you do hear, and will hear. Just turn your affection and attention to Him. Let hope arise within you. At this very moment He is looking at you and waiting for you to hear His dreams for you. They are so big, so much better than what you can even allow yourself to believe. He is for you. He wants you. He thinks your life is capable of changing the world. He longs to awaken dreams within your heart. The dreams you thought died within you years ago, He's redeeming them all. Let Him speak to you, His heart is burning for you. He wants you to know you are known by the Creator of the Universe. Right now He's releasing life changing dreams to people. He's not bothered by your smallness or inability, only your capability to let Him lead. So dream little child, it's your nature.
A word was secretly brought to me, my ears caught a whisper of it. -Job 4:12

The Almond Branch

As I sit and watch the morning rain pour down from my Bangkok apartment window, I can't help but think about the life that is going on half a world away. If the different culture and language of Thailand didn't make me feel disconnected from America enough, the time difference of 11 hours sure does it. But even amongst the differences and uncomfortable situations that arise here, I know that if I were back in America right now, it wouldn't quite feel like home. Everything has changed there too. Friends have gone back to school, others have moved away, time has changed things. Time has changed situations, feelings, and attitudes. Time has changed me. God knew ahead of time that after this summer I would be so radically wrecked for living an ordinary life that He went ahead and planned something better, something that satisfies much more.
What I had planned for my life is not what is happening. I would have chosen something quite different, something quite average, quite safe, and frankly quite boring. So while I see everyone getting back to the routine of the ordinary, I can't help but laugh at God's sense of humor and goodness over my life. He saw the depths of my heart and saw that ordinary has never been on the radar of what I was striving for. So in His all-knowing, all-merciful nature, I've been placed in the most unusual of circumstances and finally see that I can rejoice greatly that He placed me in them. I would not trade the stretching, growing, and breaking that has happened in these months for any amount of ordinary or stability. I think back to the girl's hearts that I've had an opportunity to touch, to the broken children's hands I've been able to hold, to the bread and water I've been able to give to the prisoners, to the simple words that said at the right moment set the captives free. It was all and is so worth it.
So, while having a couple of days to rest before heading off to Cambodia, I've been asking God to speak and refresh me with new insight on who He is and who I am. Amidst all the busyness of the city life and ministry work, God has been speaking. He has been speaking to me about doves, rainbows, olive, and almond branches.(More evidence that God has a sense of humor.) While we were finishing moving into our apartment, the most beautiful rainbow ever appeared in the sky right outside our window. Then a couple seconds after, a white bird that looked like a dove, flew beside our 8th story window. Since that day, I've seen these white birds flying every morning, two by two, seemingly always looking at me trying to tell me something. So I began to ask God what it all meant and He gave me a beautiful picture of it for better understanding. He showed me two doves descending on me, one on each shoulder. They were each holding a different branch in their beaks, and one held a almond branch, the other an olive branch. The both dropped them into my hands and whispered "Chosen, Chosen!" into my ears. I knew that the doves represented the Holy Spirit and I knew the olive branch represented peace, and fresh beginnings with God, but what did the almond branch mean? So I looked it up and discovered the almond branch was used to show that God chose Aaron and His tribe to be His priests. So it represents being chosen for a higher calling, or an awakening of priesthood. What a beautiful identity God is giving me, calling me to come higher, calling me to come farther, calling me to be His chosen vessel. God then lead me to read these verses in Jeremiah and everything came together.
The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” The word of the Lord came to me: “What do you see, Jeremiah?”“I see the branch of an almond tree,” I replied. The Lord said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled. -Jeremiah 1:4-12. Praise God that He chose me to be chosen by Him as His prophet to the nations! Let all of these promises over my life come true. I'm so thankful for His constant voice speaking to me, reminding me of who I am when I feel confused, lost, or far from home. He is never far from us and is closer than the next beat of our heart. He is constant and good even when our circumstances are not. He is our hope, the joy set before me. He is my reward, the only thing worth living for.
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad, let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield" -Psalm 5:11-12

The Series of Uncomfortable Events

Thailand, known as the land of smiles, or least it once was. Now as you look into the eyes of the Thai people you see a lot of emptiness where that smile used to reside. The pursuit of happiness has left many of them lost, confused, and broken. However, maybe the most broken, confused, and lost of them all are the foreigners who travel here to buy them. Yet, I feel incredible hope for Thailand. I somehow see within them a hope for restoration that I’ve never felt before. As soon as our plane landed I felt an indescribable calmness. It was as if I had found the missing piece to a puzzle I wasn’t even aware existed. While we were prayer walking the streets the first day, God started speaking to me about how Thailand has the redemptive gift of mercy. As I get to know the hearts of the ladyboys, prostitutes, and children in the slums, I see it all around. The gift of mercy has been oppressed by the misguided pursuit of love. Their vulnerability has been exploited by a lack of knowledge. Yet somehow, even though their hearts should be hard and calloused, they can’t help but love. It’s their nature. No matter how stone cold their faces are, a little love brightens them up, and you can see the joy trying to bubble up. While showing love on the streets of Pattaya I’ve learned a valuable lesson. Showing that you represent love is not so much in your words as in your actions. Although I can’t speak Thai, ladyboys and prostitutes will just stare at me in wonder, wondering what it is that I have that they don’t. They often will tell me. “ I like you because you have a beautiful smile, why is it that you are so happy?” My answer to them is “ Jesus just makes me happy, and He makes me love you so much I can’t help but smile. “ Now that I’ve traveled from Africa to Thailand, I’ve noticed the countries carry a different kind of strangeness, but offer a very similar truth. Growth is uncomfortable. Without the friction of being in a difficult, challenging, situation, we would forever stay the same. So in my journey I’ve come to a place of learning to embrace the uncomfortable and it is good. Because in the midst of it I know that I am forever changing. While living in the uncomfortable, I’ve actually started to realize the most dreadful thing to happen would be to become comfortable; because in the luxuries of easy, a piece of my heart that was meant to grow dies, and forever gets stuck in a state of dullness. If I’ve learned anything on this journey of life it would be that what we think we desire and what we actually desire are two completely opposite things. God the Father in His goodness knows this, so instead of always giving us what we want gives us what we need. I think that’s why Solomon wrote “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 “ And in his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines His steps. “ –Proverbs 16:9 So all this to say, I’ve decided to do something that’s uncomfortable to me and stay in Thailand for longer, then travel to Cambodia, then on to Vietnam. This will probably extend my trip about 3 or 4 weeks. I will be traveling with some other girls on our team who also feel called to Southeast Asia, and we will be bringing the kingdom of God to every place we set foot. At this point, I’m not sure how I will have money to fund this, but I believe it’s what God is calling me to do so I know He will provide if it’s His plans for me. Will this be uncomfortable? Yes. Will this be easy? Probably not. But can growth and faith come forth any other way? So I set my sails of trust straight toward the winds of change and embrace the new wine skin that the Lord is bringing. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. –Isaiah 43:18-19

The Holder of the Keys

As I sit and reflect on the last two and a half months of my life there are so many stories and revelations I want to share. God had been so good to me in this season of life. I truely understand what David meant when he said surely goodness will follow me all my days. My time at Harvest school in Pemba was truely life changing. To live in such an encouraging, loving, spirit filled community was one of the highlights of my time there. What an honor and privilege it was to share life with 300 world changers. It truely encouraged me and called me to higher like nothing else ever has. However, community is nothing without service and love is nothing without action. So where I experienced the most of Jesus's heart was among the poor and broken. The ones that lie dormant in desperation and need. As I sat up in my small African daybed that I was sharing with another girl; the mud hut seemed to get a little smaller and my worldview started to get a little bigger. While hiding under my sleeping bag from the rats that were scurrying across the floor below me, I began to hear my own prideful complaints come out. I was so exhausted and hot and uncomfortable. Minutes seemed like hours and morning couldn't come fast enough. I began dreaming of the moment I could go back to my bunk bed at the Iris base. The bed and room in which I had once complained about now seemed like heaven on earth. As I began to lament to God about how uncomfortable I was, how much I hated those rats, and how I really wished everyone in the world could have nice houses without holes in the roofs, He patiently listened. Then He spoke, "Brittany whose really the unfortunate one here? When you have little you love lots and freedom abounds, but when you have lots you love little and you are bound by your possesions. Why are you asking me to change a situation that you asked to be put in? You said you wanted to have my eyes, you said you wanted to be broken for what breaks me. Well I'm breaking and changing you, and now you're asking me to change the situation. This is where I live. If you want to be like me come live like me. Poor in spirit, desperate for justice, and clothed in humility. " See we say we want to be Gods hands and feet, but to actually live it out is another. We say we will go and do and change the world but how often do we justify our way out of it. All I can say after seeing the brokeness and suffering in Mozambique is that its always worth it to be His servant and he is more than enough for every circumstance. Its time for the church, His body, to wake up and realize the call we have on our lives. He won back the keys to the kingdom. What are we doing with the reward of His suffering? He did not die for us to live in complatency and weakness. Every time I see an orphaned child or dying widow I can't help but wonder if the answer to their prayers isn't sitting on the other side of the world eating potatoe chips on the couch. You see church, we are Gods first choice to the suffering. He gave us the keys and now waits in anticipation, watching to see how we steward the costly gift He gave us. He could have made robots to run the world and bring His kingdom but instead He took a risk and made messy humans with hearts and emotions. And it gave him great pleasure to do this. You bring such a joy to God that He trusts you with his most precious possesion, His people. Therefore, it is impossible for me to go on the same. I know God is going to use me to be the answer to somone's prayer. Even if it's just one life if God would choose me, a weak vessel, it's worth it all! Matthew 16:19 And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.”

In the Heart of the Father

Over the past 4 weeks I have become so overwhelmed and overcome by the love, supremacy, and power of God. I feel so blessed to be in this place of abiding in Him and resting in His goodness. Every day when I wake up I realize just how blessed I am to be His daughter. His love for us is unfathomable. His power is infinite. He alone is worthy to be praised.

Three days ago while in the bush, I was able to pray for a man who wasn’t able to see and he received his sight through the healing power of Jesus. He had been sent by his wife to come to us because she believed he would receive his sight when the Christians prayed for him. The faith here is incredible and healings are just the ordinary. Almost everyone I’ve prayed for to be healed whether it be broken noses, hurt backs, stomach problems, or headaches has been healed. The supernatural is the ordinary here. Daily we see Muslims coming to Jesus and witchcraft being broken off of families.

But what I’ve been learning most and valuing above all my experiences is the love of the Father. The miracles are just an expression of his love for us. They mean nothing if they can’t demonstrate the character of His heart. I highly value and have been blessed by all the amazing speakers I’ve heard, but they are only small drops in an ocean of who He is.  It’s him I want. My favorite times here have been hiding underneath the shadow of His wings. In my quiet times with Him, He has taught me who I am and what it means to be in love.  It’s His love that sustains us. It’s never knowledge. You can know all you want to know about God but until you know Him you’ve missed the point. I’ve learned  it’s not where you go that will determine the amount you will discover God, but the amount of desire you have to discover Him. If you desire to know Him He will find you and meet you wherever you are. You don’t have to be in Africa or listening to amazing teachers to experience Him.  You only have to be seeking Him. He is a faithful God and yearns to bless you. If you turn your face towards Him He is more than ready to meet you and bless you in this moment. Thanks everyone for the prayers of protection and love you are sending my way. I really feel overwhelmed with gratitude for my community at home. Love you all!

How precious is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light. –Psalm 36:7-9